What Is a "Good Death"?
By Barbara Kate Repa, Caring.comFind more
End of Life: Your Questions, Expert Answers
The Complete Guide to End of Life
Talking to a Loved One About Death
Helping to ensure a "good death"
Poets, professors, priests, and plain folks all opine about what makes a "good death." In truth, deaths are nearly as unique as the lives that came before them—shaped by the attitudes, physical conditions, medical treatments, and mix of people that accompany them.
Still, many have pointed to a few common factors that can help a death seem good—and even inspiring—as opposed to frightening, sad, or tortuous. By most standards, a good death is one in which a person dies on his or her own terms, relatively free from pain, in a supported and dignified setting. Other things to consider:
Having affairs in order
Not everyone has the luxury of planning for death. But those who take the time and make the effort to think about their deaths during life and plan for some of the details of their final care and comfort are more apt to retain some control and say-so in their final months and days of life.
Legal specifics of such planning can include taking steps to get affairs in order by:
Having an estate plan, with a will, trust, or other arrangement that sets out who gets property and how it should be divided.
Specifying final medical care in an advance directive.
Making final arrangements for body burial or cremation.
Indicating preferences for a funeral or memorial service. Psychological preparation includes talking about an impending death with caregivers, family members, and others.
Controlling pain and discomfort
Most Americans say they would prefer to die at home , according to recent polls. Yet the reality is that three-quarters of the population dies in some sort of medical institution, many of them after spending time in an intensive care unit.
As life expectancies increase, more people are becoming proactive . A growing number of aging patients are choosing not to have life-prolonging treatments that might ultimately increase pain and suffering—such as invasive surgery or dialysis—and deciding instead to have comfort or palliative care through hospice in their final days.
Having few regrets
Often quoted in the literature on death and dying are the tenets in The Four Things That Matter Most, by Ira Byock, a medical doctor who professes the need for a dying person to express four thoughts at the end of life:
I love you.
Thank you.
I forgive you.
Forgive me.
This supports the idea that, for many people, a good death requires ending life without unfinished business, and with reconciling damaged or broken relationships when possible.
Receiving mindful care and support
The right company can help aid a "good death." Although dying may be scary or sad or simply unfamiliar to those who are witnessing it, studies of terminally ill patients underscore one common desire: to be treated as live human beings until the moment they die.
Most also say they don't want to be alone during their final days and moments. This means that caregivers should find out what kind of medical care the dying person wants administered or withheld and be sure that the medical personnel on duty are fitting in skill and temperament.
Favorite activities or objects can be as important as final medical care. Caregivers should ascertain the tangible and intangible things that would be most pleasing and comforting to the patient in the final days: favorite music or readings, a vase of flowers, a back rub or foot massage, being surrounded by loved ones in quiet or conversation.
Spirituality can help many people find strength and meaning during their final moments. Think about the patients preferred spiritual or religious teachings and underpinnings, since ensuring access to this can be especially soothing at the end of life.
More on End-of-Life:
How to Talk to a Loved One About Death
8 Ways to Prepare a Child for a Grandparent's Death
End-of-Life Help
Search: End of Life Care
Copyright © 2009 Caring.com. All rights reserved. This article is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended to be, or to serve as a substitute for, professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Caring.com does not provide medical advice; diagnosis or treatment; or legal, financial, or other professional services advice and disclaims any liability for the decisions you make based on this information. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
malibu2#1
Monday, June 15, 2009 3:34:08 AM
so what does this have to do with death
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crazysaberguy#2
Monday, June 15, 2009 3:33:30 AM
A good death is with your enemy's blood on your lips, watching him scatter before you while you defile his civilization and hear the lamentations of his women.
A warrior's death in battle is the only way to enter Valhalla, where all true heroes go.
laverdergrower#3
Monday, June 15, 2009 3:31:33 AM
You people are missing the whole point. This isn't about religion or God. This is about choosing a way to die. At home without all the torture the Dr.s put you through at a hospital. Leave Jesus out of it. You'll meet him later! We ALL wish we could go fast, in an instant. But unfortunately we get sick and get into the clutches of the medical community. They want to keep us alive at all costs. Usually the cost is the welfare of their patient. If you are dying get hooked up with good hospice care. This is about dying with dignity. A good death.
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Hope25#4
Monday, June 15, 2009 3:30:33 AM
My motto since college days (and now I'm middle aged) is to LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT WERE YOUR LAST ON EARTH. That means leaving people and conversations on a good note -- even if you do not agree or were upset, you declare at the end, "I'm upset, but I hope we can resolve this" or something that leaves the door open for "redemption" or "reconciliation." If it is a person you do not like or cannot work with (incorrigible), then make sure you take the high road and let them know where you stand and then leave them alone and avoid the negative, poisonous, toxic dealings with them even if they start the conversation with "hello." In this case, you know it's going to get negative so you keep it short and make sure you have something to do, but you say, "Have a nice day" and get off the phone or out of their presence. But you can pray for them and put them in God's hands (visualize that) and leave it alone -- don't spend any more energy or thought on them.
If this were your last day on earth, what would you do? 24 hours, what would you do?
You should do a little of that everyday.
When it comes to forgiveness, it's hard, yes. But just do it in FAITH, even if you do NOT feel it. God has more power than you to right the wrong. Just stay connected to God and the Comforter, the Holy Spirit. The right MUSIC helps put you there in that zone.
And, Yes. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. Belief and assurance in the power of the God and the son Jesus and doing what you know to do right, knowing that God loves you and is making everything work out in the end (God has the big picture and is interested in your success) gives you the PEACE you need to indeed have a good death.
jebeddy#5
Monday, June 15, 2009 3:30:08 AM
Dying is part of life, once it happens one is free of suffering, cold, hot or hunger. Life continues through one's cells transmitted to the children one has... Just as a plant as a flower then a fruit which by it's seeds produces a new life...
Bipolar#6
Monday, June 15, 2009 3:25:36 AM
this was a very good story I also might add That A LIVING WILL IS ALSO good to have and A DNR Everything for me is planned out to the last detail EVERYONE should have every thing order before they die including being right with GOD. DIeing should not be scary at all. IT SHOULD BE A PEACH FUL TIME ALL WERE DOING IS LEAVING THIS OLD EARTH FOR A BETTER PLACE WHERE THEIR NO MORE PAIN OR SICKNESS
mommimeg#7
Monday, June 15, 2009 3:23:26 AM
I loved this article, I do find it troubling that people wait until the last second(sometimes literally) to find religion and secure a place in paradise, wherever that is for them. Death is a sad thing I would say for most people. We are hard wired to stay alive and take any means to do so. Accepting death would be difficult for most because it is in our human nature to fear it.
P.K.Menon#8
Monday, June 15, 2009 3:22:20 AM
What is good death can be aptly summed in Nancy Gibbs words (Time May5, 2009)
Most of us have a good idea how we want to die, at home at peace, quickly with family, without pain and at a ripe old age. However, progress begets paradox: We have gotten so well with the goal; it swallowed the others, so we live longer but die slower.
OneSonPerishNot#9
Monday, June 15, 2009 3:21:22 AM
HOw is this possible? There really would be no god if HE allowed all the pain and misery of life the way it has panned out looking back on history and the state of the nations and the future currently. I mean the consequences of sinful things and behaviors are obvious to any religion. Your view of god sounds pretty and inclusive to all but how do you account for that god you speak of who lets all things happen and people live any way they want make up any form of idol or sacrifice children and/or women into volcanoes, or have full authority on the lives of women, how bout the cannibalism in some tribalism, the Darfur war crimes of rape and destruction through villages. You think god allows these things? Yet will save everyone just because. Though it is true life in the flesh and allowing us to live life, even celebrating life is going on and panning out in civilzations of history. Please do not be fooled by the lie that everyone goes to heaven. You must realize that God exists and sin caused death , that keeps us from the presence of His holiness, yet we are made in His image, now with corrupted flesh. But He spoke through the prophets of Israel and has been bringing His unique creations back home gradually to all that will listen, He finally reconciled us with our own sin by paying the price Himself , becoming the Lamb and the sacrifice. This is the only , the only Son that gets you back into any form of holiness to be in conversation at all with the True God. Not by what we do , but by the His Holy works. Then we can see our sin in the light of His holiness to know Him more and begin to change by our desire to obey Him when we love Him personally. People running around, me being one of them, battle the sin(the flesh) vs. the Holy Spirit all the time, even when we received it. The rest wander restlessly with no divine forgiveness of sin making believe they are pretty much good and kind. However those acts do not get you in, it is only the mercy and grace of God, and then your response. That holy sacrifice only comes through the One HE sent Jesus Christ.
LAVALETTE#10
Monday, June 15, 2009 3:13:43 AM
Thank you so much for talk about. Its kind of miracle: I'm young enough, without any chronicle or other problems, non-smoking/drinking at all person, but past couple years almost every day thinking about my death. No, not on depression case - i just think :
I see everybody, they busy with life routine, and look like nobody thinking about personal death? And how to prepare yourself to miss your beloved people when I will die? I'm not talking about how they will feel without me: I simply know that same routine will help them, by me... what happen after? What if is I will able to think and feel but not be able to let them know that I continue feel all and I see them?
If somebody also think about, please, let me know , how you planning to solve this problem.
lavalette@mail.ru
Respectfully yours.
My Mom died at home of lung cancer after 18 months and four courses of chemo. She smoked for 20 years, but did not smoke for the last 20 years. We had some long talks during those 18 months and I admired how she faced the end with such grace and calmness, altho there were times she was afraid and fearful. My main regret about those 18 months was that we didn't go thru the family scrapbooks and remember and relive all those great times we had together as a family. I think it would have helped her realize that she, and we, had had a good life together, with many laughs and great moments, many of which had been long forgotten. As it was, after she passed, my sister and I went thru the scrapbooks together and cried all afternoon together- sometimes tears of laughter, other times tears of sadness and loss. It was helpful for us to deal with the pain of losing her, and I believe it could have been even better if she had been there laughing and crying with us.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Sunday, June 14, 2009
First Hydrogen Filling Station in DC
Shell Oil has chosen Washington, D. C. as a symbolic gesture to fuel cell possibilities. They are putting their first hydrogen filling station there to grab the attention of polioticians, even tho there are only 6 GM demonstrators in the city. Shell is initiating its "lighthouse projects" in the US, where 4 to 6 filling stations in a locale will offer hydrogen fuel. They are hoping for at least 100 fuel cell cars in each city where the project is launched.
In Search Of The Elusive Female Orgasm
Ask the Loveologist: Help, I Can’t Get the O!
posted by Wendy Strgar Jun 9, 2009 5:08 pm
Hello,
I saw this article on Care2 and thought you'd like it as well.
Care2 is the largest and most trusted information and action site for people who care to make a difference in their lives and the world.Care2.com send We hate spam. We do not sell or share the email addresses you provide.15 comments I have never been able to orgasm with my partner. My partner says he will do anything to help me, but it seems to make me even more tense. I know he is bummed out every time we make love because he feels like he failed me. I have even faked it a few times and then felt bad about that, like I was lying. What is wrong with me? What can I do?
Almost 75 percent of the sexuality questions that are sent to me on my blog are about orgasm. Everyone wants to have an orgasm and you are not in the minority of those who cannot experience this most magical and mysterious aspects of what it is to be human and sexual. Orgasm is a sister or brother to the experience of arousal which happens first in our brains. Self consciousness and anxiety about our ability to perform and/or achieve orgasm only serve to impede.
Not being able to connect in sexuality can be challenging for relationships, but not nearly as much as being disconnected and dishonest about our feelings and our own sexual issues. Just as in other areas of the relationship, partners are responsible to each other, but cannot be responsible for each others experience. Being honest and open with each other about the kinds of touch that feels good is a deeply vulnerable act which will has the capacity to inspire more of the same.
Begin working with your partner and give up the drive for orgasm. Instead focus on opening your lives and sexual activity to the pursuit and curiosity of arousal. Use the power of scent to wake up the limbic center of your brain which controls memory, emotion and sexuality. Experiment with different scents and different physical activities. Rediscover the art of flirting and pay attention to your physical reactions to this kind of playfulness. Orgasm is an opening in life, perhaps the most vulnerable, unpredictable and uncontrollable openings we experience in life. It is the place where thought is replaced with our own body knowing. Showing respect and admiration for this mystery is how to invite it to surprise you.
Wendy Strgar is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love and family. Wendy helps couples tackle the questions and concerns of intimacy and relationships, providing honest answers and innovative advice. As her online presence continues to grow, Wendy has become a trusted and respected source of information on lasting and healthy relationships. “I feel like I am inventing a language to give intimacy back to the people, take the fear away and open a space for physical love to serve as the glue that holds relationships together.” Wendy lives in Eugene, Oregon with her husband, a psychiatrist, and their four children ages 11-20.
More on Ask the Loveologist (4 articles available)
More from Wendy Strgar (25 articles available)
Care2 is the largest and most trusted information and action site for people who care to make a difference in their lives and the world.Care2.com send We hate spam. We do not sell or share the email addresses you provide.
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Karen Freund says
Jun 13, 2009 8:44 AM
Take a shower. And I don't mean a cold one. The vibrations from a hand held shower head are so fantastic. It works every time and is sometimes so powerful that I fall to my knees.
Stephen N. says
Jun 11, 2009 12:42 PM
Orgasm is a verb?!
Anne P. says
Jun 10, 2009 9:54 PM
Postmenopausal women can have trouble reaching orgasm, and when they finally do get there (as in my case) it's much less satisfying than in our reproductive years, and can actually be painful.
Randolph D. says
Jun 10, 2009 4:18 PM
On top of everything that has been said so far, my question is do you orgasm w/o your BF? If you know how to orgasm w/o your BF, then you gotta show him how it's done. Tell him how you like it and explain the quality of stimulation to him that you require, then you have to completely let go at the point of no return. Hey, you guys completely love each other; this is what lovers are for.
On top of this, you should both study taoist sexology. He should learn how to take you to the 9th wave (rather than only the 4th wave that most people know) while he sustains himself to superior orgasm. It's the man's job to keep his woman healthy, happy, and satisfied, so he better take an active role and show more interest in his woman. Bring her to the 9th wave - I promise you, you will both wake up to a whole new world.
Tess H. says
Jun 10, 2009 1:13 PM
Another common complication that is often overlooked in women, is whether or not the woman has had any gynecological surgeries. Hysterectomies, oophorectomies (ovaries removed), tubal ligations - are all physical reasons women cannot have orgasms. It's amazing how this is downplayed in the medical community yet it effects so many women. Over 650,000 U. S. women have hysterectomies each year. Considering the millions of women this number now includes, it's wrong to make such blanket statements as the biggest sex organ is the brain. In order for the brain to send it's signals, it must have all the sex organs to send the signals to.
Katie G. says
Jun 10, 2009 11:02 AM
It can take 45 minutes to "prime" a woman for the big O...consider foreplay. Sometimes just laying in bed, with your partner gently running his fingers over your body is great preparation. And turn off all distractions. Women are constantly thinking...I need to get the laundry done, oh I forgot toothpaste at the store, I should get dinner on soon, etc. and this can really impair your ability to get in the mood and to have an orgasm. Perhaps meditation will help. This is one way to clear your mind of thoughts, and then focus on what he is doing, touching, that is pleasing to you. It's interesting to me, someone who uncontrollably thinks all the time, that when I finally "let go" I seem to sink into another world, and all I can see or feel or hear is my husband. It's incredible, but I can't do it all the time. It takes practice! Oh, and I agree vibrators help too, I let him play with it...he enjoys it and of course, I do too!
Colleen D. says
Jun 10, 2009 9:56 AM
What do they say about watching water to wait for it to boil? Perhaps not worrying about having the big O may be the ticket. Just enjoy each other.
I do know that many anti-depression meds will suppress one's ability to orgasm. If that's the case there may be other meds that may do the same thing.
Have you considered sex for one to discover for yourself what you would find stimulating? While the vibrator suggestion was rather rough, self exploration may well prove to be the ultimate experience for what your body needs or will respond to. Teach yourself what stimulates you and then teach your partner. I learned this mode of thought years ago from Bette Dodson who is the author of Sex for One and put out a trio of videos years back on self exploration.
I do hope you find what you seek!
Mary Wood says
Jun 10, 2009 9:24 AM
Are you taking birth control pills? They can cause the problem you're describing. They did for me.
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Your report of abuse has been received and will be reviewed.
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Ron K. says
Jun 10, 2009 9:19 AM
Today's society is too goal oriented. There is so much emphasis being placed on achieving something; in this case the big "O". Love and intimacy come from within, and one must learn how to love themselves before then can love someone else. This goes for sex as well. Pull back from the goal and enjoy the intimate moments with your partner; exploring what brings each other joy and fulfillment. Let the big "O" be a bonus; for it will come once you are free and your heart is full of love.
Sharon Hoehner says
Jun 10, 2009 9:09 AM
One of my friends had an operation since her clitoris was somehow covered up with too much skin. It worked for her. Too well apparently.
While rare, there are certain times there's a physical, not emotional reason for this. Dr. Daniel Amen who is a psychologist who deals with fixing the brain on a physical level more so than counseling says that when certain areas of the brain are repaired many couples "fix" their sex life. I just read this a couple days ago in Magnificent Mind at any Age.
Is there any chance you're ADD? Deep breathing might help when you're getting close to orgasm, eyes closed, dark, no talking. ADD people cannot get distracted by their surroundings.
You might also want to try EFT. www.emofree.com is the central site with many testimonials, links, etc.
In my lifetime I have known a couple women who couldnt, or wouldnt, come with me. I think it was a power thing, where she had the power to bring me to orgasm, but I didnt have that same power because she wouldnt allow it. My orgasm with her was usually a bonding experience to me that I enjoyed and helped me feel closer to her because she was the one who provided it. I thought they were just wasting an incredible potential within themselves (literally and figuratively) that I would have enjoyed providing for, and with, them. I was somewhat disappointed that I couldnt do for her what she did for me. I dont know if she got herself off when she was alone, or not. After a while I just came to accept it as the way it was going to be and focused on my pleasure, enjoyment, and satisfaction. She seemed okay with that arrangement, so I stopped trying. Other women I have known had frequent strong orgasms with me on a regular basis, even tho they wouldnt always admit it.
posted by Wendy Strgar Jun 9, 2009 5:08 pm
Hello,
I saw this article on Care2 and thought you'd like it as well.
Care2 is the largest and most trusted information and action site for people who care to make a difference in their lives and the world.Care2.com send We hate spam. We do not sell or share the email addresses you provide.15 comments I have never been able to orgasm with my partner. My partner says he will do anything to help me, but it seems to make me even more tense. I know he is bummed out every time we make love because he feels like he failed me. I have even faked it a few times and then felt bad about that, like I was lying. What is wrong with me? What can I do?
Almost 75 percent of the sexuality questions that are sent to me on my blog are about orgasm. Everyone wants to have an orgasm and you are not in the minority of those who cannot experience this most magical and mysterious aspects of what it is to be human and sexual. Orgasm is a sister or brother to the experience of arousal which happens first in our brains. Self consciousness and anxiety about our ability to perform and/or achieve orgasm only serve to impede.
Not being able to connect in sexuality can be challenging for relationships, but not nearly as much as being disconnected and dishonest about our feelings and our own sexual issues. Just as in other areas of the relationship, partners are responsible to each other, but cannot be responsible for each others experience. Being honest and open with each other about the kinds of touch that feels good is a deeply vulnerable act which will has the capacity to inspire more of the same.
Begin working with your partner and give up the drive for orgasm. Instead focus on opening your lives and sexual activity to the pursuit and curiosity of arousal. Use the power of scent to wake up the limbic center of your brain which controls memory, emotion and sexuality. Experiment with different scents and different physical activities. Rediscover the art of flirting and pay attention to your physical reactions to this kind of playfulness. Orgasm is an opening in life, perhaps the most vulnerable, unpredictable and uncontrollable openings we experience in life. It is the place where thought is replaced with our own body knowing. Showing respect and admiration for this mystery is how to invite it to surprise you.
Wendy Strgar is a loveologist who writes and lectures on Making Love Sustainable, a green philosophy of relationships which teaches the importance of valuing the renewable resources of love and family. Wendy helps couples tackle the questions and concerns of intimacy and relationships, providing honest answers and innovative advice. As her online presence continues to grow, Wendy has become a trusted and respected source of information on lasting and healthy relationships. “I feel like I am inventing a language to give intimacy back to the people, take the fear away and open a space for physical love to serve as the glue that holds relationships together.” Wendy lives in Eugene, Oregon with her husband, a psychiatrist, and their four children ages 11-20.
More on Ask the Loveologist (4 articles available)
More from Wendy Strgar (25 articles available)
Care2 is the largest and most trusted information and action site for people who care to make a difference in their lives and the world.Care2.com send We hate spam. We do not sell or share the email addresses you provide.
related stories
The Mysterious O: Desire
(13 comments)
.
The Mysterious O
(17 comments)
.
The Mysterious O: Extending Life and Love
(7 comments)
..
Karen Freund says
Jun 13, 2009 8:44 AM
Take a shower. And I don't mean a cold one. The vibrations from a hand held shower head are so fantastic. It works every time and is sometimes so powerful that I fall to my knees.
Stephen N. says
Jun 11, 2009 12:42 PM
Orgasm is a verb?!
Anne P. says
Jun 10, 2009 9:54 PM
Postmenopausal women can have trouble reaching orgasm, and when they finally do get there (as in my case) it's much less satisfying than in our reproductive years, and can actually be painful.
Randolph D. says
Jun 10, 2009 4:18 PM
On top of everything that has been said so far, my question is do you orgasm w/o your BF? If you know how to orgasm w/o your BF, then you gotta show him how it's done. Tell him how you like it and explain the quality of stimulation to him that you require, then you have to completely let go at the point of no return. Hey, you guys completely love each other; this is what lovers are for.
On top of this, you should both study taoist sexology. He should learn how to take you to the 9th wave (rather than only the 4th wave that most people know) while he sustains himself to superior orgasm. It's the man's job to keep his woman healthy, happy, and satisfied, so he better take an active role and show more interest in his woman. Bring her to the 9th wave - I promise you, you will both wake up to a whole new world.
Tess H. says
Jun 10, 2009 1:13 PM
Another common complication that is often overlooked in women, is whether or not the woman has had any gynecological surgeries. Hysterectomies, oophorectomies (ovaries removed), tubal ligations - are all physical reasons women cannot have orgasms. It's amazing how this is downplayed in the medical community yet it effects so many women. Over 650,000 U. S. women have hysterectomies each year. Considering the millions of women this number now includes, it's wrong to make such blanket statements as the biggest sex organ is the brain. In order for the brain to send it's signals, it must have all the sex organs to send the signals to.
Katie G. says
Jun 10, 2009 11:02 AM
It can take 45 minutes to "prime" a woman for the big O...consider foreplay. Sometimes just laying in bed, with your partner gently running his fingers over your body is great preparation. And turn off all distractions. Women are constantly thinking...I need to get the laundry done, oh I forgot toothpaste at the store, I should get dinner on soon, etc. and this can really impair your ability to get in the mood and to have an orgasm. Perhaps meditation will help. This is one way to clear your mind of thoughts, and then focus on what he is doing, touching, that is pleasing to you. It's interesting to me, someone who uncontrollably thinks all the time, that when I finally "let go" I seem to sink into another world, and all I can see or feel or hear is my husband. It's incredible, but I can't do it all the time. It takes practice! Oh, and I agree vibrators help too, I let him play with it...he enjoys it and of course, I do too!
Colleen D. says
Jun 10, 2009 9:56 AM
What do they say about watching water to wait for it to boil? Perhaps not worrying about having the big O may be the ticket. Just enjoy each other.
I do know that many anti-depression meds will suppress one's ability to orgasm. If that's the case there may be other meds that may do the same thing.
Have you considered sex for one to discover for yourself what you would find stimulating? While the vibrator suggestion was rather rough, self exploration may well prove to be the ultimate experience for what your body needs or will respond to. Teach yourself what stimulates you and then teach your partner. I learned this mode of thought years ago from Bette Dodson who is the author of Sex for One and put out a trio of videos years back on self exploration.
I do hope you find what you seek!
Mary Wood says
Jun 10, 2009 9:24 AM
Are you taking birth control pills? They can cause the problem you're describing. They did for me.
why is this inappropriate? submit cancel .Submitting... .
Your report of abuse has been received and will be reviewed.
The response report you have submitted was unable to transmit. Please try your submission again or contact support.
Ron K. says
Jun 10, 2009 9:19 AM
Today's society is too goal oriented. There is so much emphasis being placed on achieving something; in this case the big "O". Love and intimacy come from within, and one must learn how to love themselves before then can love someone else. This goes for sex as well. Pull back from the goal and enjoy the intimate moments with your partner; exploring what brings each other joy and fulfillment. Let the big "O" be a bonus; for it will come once you are free and your heart is full of love.
Sharon Hoehner says
Jun 10, 2009 9:09 AM
One of my friends had an operation since her clitoris was somehow covered up with too much skin. It worked for her. Too well apparently.
While rare, there are certain times there's a physical, not emotional reason for this. Dr. Daniel Amen who is a psychologist who deals with fixing the brain on a physical level more so than counseling says that when certain areas of the brain are repaired many couples "fix" their sex life. I just read this a couple days ago in Magnificent Mind at any Age.
Is there any chance you're ADD? Deep breathing might help when you're getting close to orgasm, eyes closed, dark, no talking. ADD people cannot get distracted by their surroundings.
You might also want to try EFT. www.emofree.com is the central site with many testimonials, links, etc.
In my lifetime I have known a couple women who couldnt, or wouldnt, come with me. I think it was a power thing, where she had the power to bring me to orgasm, but I didnt have that same power because she wouldnt allow it. My orgasm with her was usually a bonding experience to me that I enjoyed and helped me feel closer to her because she was the one who provided it. I thought they were just wasting an incredible potential within themselves (literally and figuratively) that I would have enjoyed providing for, and with, them. I was somewhat disappointed that I couldnt do for her what she did for me. I dont know if she got herself off when she was alone, or not. After a while I just came to accept it as the way it was going to be and focused on my pleasure, enjoyment, and satisfaction. She seemed okay with that arrangement, so I stopped trying. Other women I have known had frequent strong orgasms with me on a regular basis, even tho they wouldnt always admit it.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Green Conference Uncertainties
ENERGY
Uncertainty over incentives hinders green industry, experts say
Attendees at MiaGreen, a green expo, talked about green businesses and how their interdependence with government can prove frustrating.
BY JOEL POELHUIS
jpoelhuis@MiamiHerald.com
Florida businesses and workers hoping to break into the green industry say uncertainty over policies and funding of incentives is putting a damper on growth.
Ralph Avallone, president of the International Green Energy Council, said, for example, that it has been difficult to access federal stimulus money allocated for green jobs.
''They're not writing those checks,'' he said.
Avallone was among the speakers at the MiaGreen Expo and Convention at the Miami Beach Convention Center. The two-day event, which concluded Friday, attracted more than 1,000 people who presented the latest green products and discussed job opportunities, training and trade issues.
Exhibitor Luis A. D'Agostino, managing partner of Miami's High Point Energy, said government incentives are very important to keep solar and wind systems affordable to his commercial and residential customers.
D'Agostino said his firm's largest solar systems cost around $280,000.
A state of Florida rebate of up to $100,000 for commercial solar applications and a federal tax credit of 30 percent of the cost should make such a system more affordable.
But funding for the Florida program has run out.
According to the Florida Department of Environmental Protection's website, the number of applicants for the program has exceeded the $5 million that was appropriated.
Now applicants are being wait-listed.
Applications for rebates for those on the waiting list total more than $6 million. The state has applied for two grants totaling $14.4 million from the federal stimulus package to finance the rebates and expects to hear about the grants in the next few months.
All this uncertainty doesn't help D'Agostino's discussions with customers or lenders.
''It's very hard to sell solar energy,'' he said. ``The client has to come out-of-pocket with the money and wait for the incentives.''
To maximize their resources, The Green Energy Council, a privately funded lobbying group, partnered with Our Green Value, a private career training and placement company, to offer a training session in Delray Beach earlier this month.
Sloan Sherman, the Florida director of Our Green Value, said demand for the training programs also exceeds funding. She said another session that had been planned in West Palm Beach was also integrated into the Delray Beach program to provide additional scholarships for trainees who learned about energy auditing and implementing energy-efficiency programs.
Dawn Dzurilla, president and founder of Gaia Human Capital Consultants -- a headhunting firm specializing in recruiting green talent, said South Florida has some work to do to establish the green industry growth of cities such as Austin and Boulder, Colo.
She said a crucial selling point for a company is a location with an educational feeder system for engineers and researchers.
''When a firm establishes a beachhead, the first thing they say is, `Where do you get your local talent, where do you get your workforce?''' Dzurilla said
Uncertainty over incentives hinders green industry, experts say
Attendees at MiaGreen, a green expo, talked about green businesses and how their interdependence with government can prove frustrating.
BY JOEL POELHUIS
jpoelhuis@MiamiHerald.com
Florida businesses and workers hoping to break into the green industry say uncertainty over policies and funding of incentives is putting a damper on growth.
Ralph Avallone, president of the International Green Energy Council, said, for example, that it has been difficult to access federal stimulus money allocated for green jobs.
''They're not writing those checks,'' he said.
Avallone was among the speakers at the MiaGreen Expo and Convention at the Miami Beach Convention Center. The two-day event, which concluded Friday, attracted more than 1,000 people who presented the latest green products and discussed job opportunities, training and trade issues.
Exhibitor Luis A. D'Agostino, managing partner of Miami's High Point Energy, said government incentives are very important to keep solar and wind systems affordable to his commercial and residential customers.
D'Agostino said his firm's largest solar systems cost around $280,000.
A state of Florida rebate of up to $100,000 for commercial solar applications and a federal tax credit of 30 percent of the cost should make such a system more affordable.
But funding for the Florida program has run out.
According to the Florida Department of Environmental Protection's website, the number of applicants for the program has exceeded the $5 million that was appropriated.
Now applicants are being wait-listed.
Applications for rebates for those on the waiting list total more than $6 million. The state has applied for two grants totaling $14.4 million from the federal stimulus package to finance the rebates and expects to hear about the grants in the next few months.
All this uncertainty doesn't help D'Agostino's discussions with customers or lenders.
''It's very hard to sell solar energy,'' he said. ``The client has to come out-of-pocket with the money and wait for the incentives.''
To maximize their resources, The Green Energy Council, a privately funded lobbying group, partnered with Our Green Value, a private career training and placement company, to offer a training session in Delray Beach earlier this month.
Sloan Sherman, the Florida director of Our Green Value, said demand for the training programs also exceeds funding. She said another session that had been planned in West Palm Beach was also integrated into the Delray Beach program to provide additional scholarships for trainees who learned about energy auditing and implementing energy-efficiency programs.
Dawn Dzurilla, president and founder of Gaia Human Capital Consultants -- a headhunting firm specializing in recruiting green talent, said South Florida has some work to do to establish the green industry growth of cities such as Austin and Boulder, Colo.
She said a crucial selling point for a company is a location with an educational feeder system for engineers and researchers.
''When a firm establishes a beachhead, the first thing they say is, `Where do you get your local talent, where do you get your workforce?''' Dzurilla said
Friday, June 12, 2009
NYC Cab Sharing To Begin
TRANSPORTATION==============
New York City will embark upon a cab sharing plan this autumn. One component will be group-ride cab stands that allow drivers to pick up several passengers traveling along the same busy route for a flat fee. Another component involves equipping some taxis with multiple meters, so additional passengers going the same way can be picked up and the individual, discounted fares can be tracked. Some cabs will also have LED screens so potential riders can see the destination neighborhood. [ http://www.innovations.harvard.edu/news/614352.html ]NYC approves experiment in cab sharing
NEW YORK, May 29 (UPI) -- The New York Taxi and Limousine Commission has approved experiments in shared taxis. [ http://www.innovations.harvard.edu/news/627910.html ]Could cab-sharing work here?
Would you share a taxicab with total strangers headed in the same direction -- at any time, day or night -- in exchange for a 50 percent fare cut? Instead of waiting for a rush-hour bus on a congested route, would you pay $3 or $4 to share a "group-ride cab" with three other passengers?
Sounds much more energy efficient than what they have now. Also saves money.
New York City will embark upon a cab sharing plan this autumn. One component will be group-ride cab stands that allow drivers to pick up several passengers traveling along the same busy route for a flat fee. Another component involves equipping some taxis with multiple meters, so additional passengers going the same way can be picked up and the individual, discounted fares can be tracked. Some cabs will also have LED screens so potential riders can see the destination neighborhood. [ http://www.innovations.harvard.edu/news/614352.html ]NYC approves experiment in cab sharing
NEW YORK, May 29 (UPI) -- The New York Taxi and Limousine Commission has approved experiments in shared taxis. [ http://www.innovations.harvard.edu/news/627910.html ]Could cab-sharing work here?
Would you share a taxicab with total strangers headed in the same direction -- at any time, day or night -- in exchange for a 50 percent fare cut? Instead of waiting for a rush-hour bus on a congested route, would you pay $3 or $4 to share a "group-ride cab" with three other passengers?
Sounds much more energy efficient than what they have now. Also saves money.
animal-vehicle collisions
COLLABORATION=============
The Arizona Department of Transportation, the Arizona Game and Fish Department, and several other public and private organizations have partnered to save wildlife and highway drivers from animal-vehicle collisions. The consortium is using GIS technology to identify the locations where deer and elk are apt to cross the road and then installing underpasses at those points. Besides the safety of Arizona s residents and visitors, preventing collisions saves the state money; as the state owns all wildlife, it can be held liable when a collision occurs.
I wonder what is the history of success or failure with these underpasses? Sounds like a good idea but do they actually work? Do the animals learn to use the underpasses?
The Arizona Department of Transportation, the Arizona Game and Fish Department, and several other public and private organizations have partnered to save wildlife and highway drivers from animal-vehicle collisions. The consortium is using GIS technology to identify the locations where deer and elk are apt to cross the road and then installing underpasses at those points. Besides the safety of Arizona s residents and visitors, preventing collisions saves the state money; as the state owns all wildlife, it can be held liable when a collision occurs.
I wonder what is the history of success or failure with these underpasses? Sounds like a good idea but do they actually work? Do the animals learn to use the underpasses?
Digital Textbooks in California
SCHOOL ADMINISTRATION=====================
This fall, California high school students may be using digital textbooksfor some of their math and science classes. If certain free and opendigital textbooks meet state-approved standards, this first-in-the-nation initiative could reduce education costs for the state and make it easier for students to work in multiple settings. Some schools, which cater tolow income students without reliable computer access, worry that the transition to this new technology could be difficult. [ http://www.innovations.harvard.edu/news/622835.html ]California schools see distant digital future for textbooks.
Teachers and textbook techies, take note. The state is reviewing digital versions of textbooks that could be used in high school math and science classes next year. It's the first step in a transition from the 5-pound texts loaded into school kids' backpacks to computer-based books and learning materials,and California is the first state to try it. When Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger addressed the Legislature on Tuesday, he said going digital could save schools hundreds of millions of dollars a year. School administrators realize this could be the future of instruction,but they say it won't save them money anytime soon. And for school districts like River Delta Unified along the Sacramento River, the transition will be challenging. Many of the district's 2,500 students live in homes without computer access. And the district getsits Internet through cables that can clog up with too much information traffic. "For the state to give us a disk, it would be like giving us a gallon of gas and no car to put it in," said River Delta's Chief EducationalServices Officer Robert Hubbel. And districts like River Delta can't afford to buy that hypothetical car. Last school year, the state allocated $419 million for instructional materials. "That's hundreds of millions of dollars that could be used to hire more teachers and to reduce class sizes," Schwarzenegger told the Legislature. Maybe one day, county Superintendent of Schools Dave Gordon said. In Sacramento County, schools spend $2 million per subject for newbooks and replace them every seven years, he said. The law requiresschools to provide students with learning materials both at school andat home. Before districts can scrap textbooks completely, they will have toensure that each student has computers at home and in the classroom. Teachers will need training, and there will have to be technical support for when things go wrong. "It would take a lot of time and effort to convert from a paper-based environment to an environment where every kid had Internet and laptops," Gordon said. Carl Fahle, program manager of instruction and technology in the SanJuan Unified School District, said schools might be able to printchapters of digital books or buy iPods or Kindles for students to access them. "Those devices are coming down in price enough that they are affordable," Fahle said. Secretary of Education spokeswoman Jennifer Hsiang said schools spend roughly $100 on textbooks for each high school student per year. The governor's digital education project began last month to identify digital textbooks that are free and downloadable. Nonprofts and other free providers have until June 15 to submit materials to the CaliforniaLearning Resources Network, which will determine if they're in line with state curriculum. The plan is to have links to high school science and math textbooks online by Aug. 10. If all goes well, they'll expand into other subjects, director Brian Bridges said. The longevity of the program depends on the people who provide instructional materials continuing to do so for free, said Tom Adams, the state Department of Education's director of curriculum frameworks and instructional resources. "There are costs in development, and we'll see whether they continue to get donators to support them," he said. Bridges said nobody has asked the schools how they'll use the digital option yet. "It'll be interesting to see how this comes out," Bridges said. Jay Diskey, executive director of the Association of American Publishers school division, said publishing companies aren't very threatened by the prospect of free digital textbooks. Established educational publishing companies provide more than just textbooks, he said. "It's an entire program that comes with teacher editions, online support materials, extensive planning and pacing charts." Elk Grove Unified School District's textbook clerk Laura Hall said she already has seen student and teacher reactions to electronic books. Newer textbooks come with CDs or online versions, and Hall said those aren't nearly as popular. Teachers are slow to try them, and parents complain and demand hard textbooks just because they aren't used to them, she said. "I tell them even if they can't flip pages, it's still a textbook," she said. "They want nothing of it." Training for teachers who didn't learn in the digital age and for parents skeptical of the technology would have to be part of the process,Fahle said. "The prospects are obviously very exciting, but the devil's going to be in the details," Fahle said.
It DOES sound like it could save several million trees a year!
This fall, California high school students may be using digital textbooksfor some of their math and science classes. If certain free and opendigital textbooks meet state-approved standards, this first-in-the-nation initiative could reduce education costs for the state and make it easier for students to work in multiple settings. Some schools, which cater tolow income students without reliable computer access, worry that the transition to this new technology could be difficult. [ http://www.innovations.harvard.edu/news/622835.html ]California schools see distant digital future for textbooks.
Teachers and textbook techies, take note. The state is reviewing digital versions of textbooks that could be used in high school math and science classes next year. It's the first step in a transition from the 5-pound texts loaded into school kids' backpacks to computer-based books and learning materials,and California is the first state to try it. When Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger addressed the Legislature on Tuesday, he said going digital could save schools hundreds of millions of dollars a year. School administrators realize this could be the future of instruction,but they say it won't save them money anytime soon. And for school districts like River Delta Unified along the Sacramento River, the transition will be challenging. Many of the district's 2,500 students live in homes without computer access. And the district getsits Internet through cables that can clog up with too much information traffic. "For the state to give us a disk, it would be like giving us a gallon of gas and no car to put it in," said River Delta's Chief EducationalServices Officer Robert Hubbel. And districts like River Delta can't afford to buy that hypothetical car. Last school year, the state allocated $419 million for instructional materials. "That's hundreds of millions of dollars that could be used to hire more teachers and to reduce class sizes," Schwarzenegger told the Legislature. Maybe one day, county Superintendent of Schools Dave Gordon said. In Sacramento County, schools spend $2 million per subject for newbooks and replace them every seven years, he said. The law requiresschools to provide students with learning materials both at school andat home. Before districts can scrap textbooks completely, they will have toensure that each student has computers at home and in the classroom. Teachers will need training, and there will have to be technical support for when things go wrong. "It would take a lot of time and effort to convert from a paper-based environment to an environment where every kid had Internet and laptops," Gordon said. Carl Fahle, program manager of instruction and technology in the SanJuan Unified School District, said schools might be able to printchapters of digital books or buy iPods or Kindles for students to access them. "Those devices are coming down in price enough that they are affordable," Fahle said. Secretary of Education spokeswoman Jennifer Hsiang said schools spend roughly $100 on textbooks for each high school student per year. The governor's digital education project began last month to identify digital textbooks that are free and downloadable. Nonprofts and other free providers have until June 15 to submit materials to the CaliforniaLearning Resources Network, which will determine if they're in line with state curriculum. The plan is to have links to high school science and math textbooks online by Aug. 10. If all goes well, they'll expand into other subjects, director Brian Bridges said. The longevity of the program depends on the people who provide instructional materials continuing to do so for free, said Tom Adams, the state Department of Education's director of curriculum frameworks and instructional resources. "There are costs in development, and we'll see whether they continue to get donators to support them," he said. Bridges said nobody has asked the schools how they'll use the digital option yet. "It'll be interesting to see how this comes out," Bridges said. Jay Diskey, executive director of the Association of American Publishers school division, said publishing companies aren't very threatened by the prospect of free digital textbooks. Established educational publishing companies provide more than just textbooks, he said. "It's an entire program that comes with teacher editions, online support materials, extensive planning and pacing charts." Elk Grove Unified School District's textbook clerk Laura Hall said she already has seen student and teacher reactions to electronic books. Newer textbooks come with CDs or online versions, and Hall said those aren't nearly as popular. Teachers are slow to try them, and parents complain and demand hard textbooks just because they aren't used to them, she said. "I tell them even if they can't flip pages, it's still a textbook," she said. "They want nothing of it." Training for teachers who didn't learn in the digital age and for parents skeptical of the technology would have to be part of the process,Fahle said. "The prospects are obviously very exciting, but the devil's going to be in the details," Fahle said.
It DOES sound like it could save several million trees a year!
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